Him Grimlock have Opinions
by ultharkitty
Summary: G1, Dysfunction AU. Cracktastic prompt response drabbles from Grimlock's POV, lots of them! Contains mention of interfacing and canon character death.


**Title:** Grimlock prompt responses

**Continuity:** G1, season 3 (with mention of earlier events)

**Rating:** PG-13

**Warnings:** CRACK: a metric buttload of it. Mention of canon character death and interfacing.

**Disclaimer:** Characters aren't mine, I'm just playing with them.

**Summary:** Grimlock talks about various things.

**Characters and/or pairings:** Him Grimlock, ensemble

**Notes:** A while back I decided to kickstart my muse by asking people for random words and responding to them as Grimlock. People gave me prompts, and silliness happened :D

* * *

**Bananas**

Me Grimlock have problem with bananas. Difficult word. Lot of consonants and hard to stop saying. Like bandanna, which me Grimlock would kind of like to have. Everyone would say: him Grimlock, he are coolest of Dinobots. But him Daniel, he say bandannas not made big enough, would have to use bed sheet. Me Grimlock think that defeat purpose. Would have little cars and trains and things on, like me Grimlock see in him Daniel's room once. Me Grimlock would prefer bandanna with Dinobot colours and maybe guns.

Could use bandanna to hold bananas. Him Daniel like Bananas. Me Grimlock not see the point, too small and him Daniel always throws bits away. But him Spike and her Carly not tell off him Daniel, like they do when he throw other food things away. Me Grimlock not get it.

**Space**

Me Grimlock can see space from here. It are black and glittery and it have Sky Lynx in. Me Grimlock not sure about Sky Lynx, him are... what are it him Blades say? Up him own exhaust port. Yeah.

Him Sky Lynx think him are too good to have Dinobot electrons. Huh. Dinobot electrons are too good to be in him Sky Lynx. Want to smash him Sky Lynx just a bit. Him Sky Lynx did not save universe, although him Sky Lynx took all credit. Me Grimlock saved universe. What you mean "when"? Me Grimlock _did_. From monkey thing that make creature like Kremzeek on steroid. That are what him Spike call it, anyway.

It are good to watch the sky. Sometimes, it have Decepticons, and me Grimlock smash them. It are a good day when there are enough Decepticons to go around.

**Radio**

Him Wheeljack had radio in him lab. Me Grimlock miss him Wheeljack.

In good old days, all Autobots always asking him Wheeljack why he make Dinobots with small brains. And him say, it are not small brains, it are 'limited processor capacity'. I ask him Chip what this mean. Him Chip are clever, and him say that limited is a kind of a same word as special, and special means awesome, so it are really a good thing and not that we are stupid. Me Grimlock not stupid. But me Grimlock have feeling that him Chip was just trying to be nice.

*sighs* Me Grimlock want to say things to him Wheeljack, like me save universe this one time, and him Wheeljack are like grandfather because me Grimlock make Technobots. But me Grimlock never have chance. Me Grimlock _hate_ Decepticons.

Nosecone says I should say anyway, because him Wheeljack listen if him can. Me Grimlock think him Nosecone are just trying to be nice, like him Chip.

**Tea**

Her Carly drink tea. It are small and hot and brown and kind of smell like Earth a bit. It remind me Grimlock of Him Sparkplug when he work with him Wheeljack in the Ark. Him Sparkplug drink tea like nobody business. Me Grimlock not understand how him Sparkplug hold so much liquid when him not hollow inside.

It are that word him Perceptor like. Perplexing, that are it. Her Carly also drink tea like it are weakest energon, and her system need to take on loaaaaaaaads to get fuel she needs. Me Grimlock wonder sometimes if them Carly and Sparkplug have gateway inside like Quintesson prison me Grimlock and him Daniel fell into that time.

Maybe tea land on Quintesson, and it are part of punishment?

**Fish**

Fish are good. Me Grimlock like to fish with other Dinobots. Him Rodimus make Dinobots pool for fishing on Cybertron. Him Daniel are not allowed in pool, but he always clumsy near edge and fall in loads. Me Grimlock rescue him. Me Grimlock are hero.

Me Grimlock always catch largest and most ferocious fish. Sometimes him Swoop fly down and try to take from him Grimlock, then we have fight. Me Grimlock like them times.

**Sunlight**

When me Grimlock brand new, us Dinobots spend long time in cupboard. It were a kind of punishment, and kind of making safe for others. It were _boring_.

It were just me Grimlock, him Slag and him Sludge back then. It were not fun, but me Grimlock OK, me Grimlock toughest of Dinobots. But me Grimlock not like being in dark all the time. Dark are good for waiting quietly for Wheelie and making him go ARGHH, but in a fun way because me Grimlock like him Wheelie. Him understand. But dark are not good all the time.

Me Grimlock prefer sunshine. Us Dinobots had bit of ground near Ark we like to sit and be in sun. It feel good to be warm.

**Hostility**

Me Grimlock not know meaning of this word, so me ask him Perceptor. He say it mean something me Grimlock also not understand, so me ask him Blaster. Me Grimlock not know what happen to him Blaster. He are used to be coolest of Autobots, apart from us Dinobots, but him Blaster now make rhyme like him Wheelie and it are annoying.

So him Blaster say hostility are like when you say 'Hello' to him Sunstreaker and him Sunstreaker just look at you as though you slag. But not _him_ Slag, because him Sunstreaker look different at him Slag. There are big difference between slag and him Slag.

Or, him Blaster say, it are like Decepticons. Only him call them Decepticreeps, which make us Dinobots laugh. We call them targets, or sometimes challenge. Me Grimlock like a challenge.

**Radiant**

This are familiar word, but me Grimlock think you expect me not to know. It are when things are all coming out of another thing all round it, but does not have to be a real thing. Like when him Blurr speak, it are all sound all the time, and it come out all around him and everyone get caught. It are like that.

Or it are like when things blow up, which us Dinobots like a lot. And sometimes there are thing called radiation, which are thing what radiate out of other thing and are sometimes dangerous.

This are like when her Carly make him Daniel. Him Spike say she 'radiant', and him Jazz say us Dinobots should not go too close. Us Dinobots talk about this and think him Jazz not know how strong us Dinobots are, especially me Grimlock. Her Carly radiation not hurt us, but we stay away because him Jazz say so and we like him Jazz.

**Pain**

Me Grimlock not like being hit on the nose. It are a thing to do if you want me Grimlock to smash you. Me Grimlock are looking at him Wheelie, and it are meaningful look.

Me Grimlock are also looking at him Rodimus. He are good leader sometimes, but me Grimlock think he not know when things he say are hurtful. Like that time I make Technobots. Before it happen, him Rodimus yell at me Grimlock for pulling wrong lever. Me Grimlock not know! He not know how to tell me Grimlock things that are easy to remember. Levers all look the same.

Then in tunnels, he say nasty things, and him Ultra Magnus there, but him not help. Me Grimlock not mean to break him Perceptor's gadget. If him Rodimus had said nicer things, other things would not have happened.

But me Grimlock think it are OK, because me Grimlock would not have made Technobots otherwise. Me Grimlock like Technobots. Everyone say me Grimlock did good thing and him Wheeljack would be proud.

**Clumsy**

People say me Grimlock are clumsy. But them people not say this when they know me Grimlock listen. Except if they are him Rodimus.

Me Grimlock are not clumsy, me _like_ to knock things over and break things and smash things. Him Perceptor says it are me Grimlock's vocation. Me Grimlock think him are too smart for him own good.

**Truck-hunting**

This are fun. Us Dinobots hate Decepticons, especially stunt cars and stunt truck. Stunt truck think him are king of the road, but me Grimlock are king! Him are deluded. Me Grimlock will smash him. Me Grimlock will smash him _good._

Some humans make truck in same colour as stunt truck, and it are confusing when them are in herd what are called convoy, and them are travel fast and me Grimlock not know which one is truck to smash. Me Grimlock had accident once with human truck, but human was OK because me Grimlock am hero as well as king. Me Grimlock save human, even though stupid human should never had painted him truck in Decepticon colours.

**Cuddly**

This are human word for warm close time, like Protectobots in pile. Me Grimlock are not cuddly, and me are looking at him Wheelie again, and him Blurr, and it are still meaningful look!

Me Grimlock mighty! Me fighter, not cuddler!

Him Optimus were cuddler. But him Optimus were also fighter. But me Grimlock are not him Optimus. If it were case, me Grimlock would be Prime! And me Grimlock are not Prime. Him Rodimus are Prime.

Him Rodimus are sometimes mighty, but him are not as much cuddler as him Oprimus were. Me Grimlock unsure whether this good thing or not. Him Bumblebee seem to be sad without him Optimus cuddles.

**Amorous**

OK, so me Grimlock think this to do with armour, which me Grimlock have much of, but him Sky Lynx say it are to do with interfacing, which me Grimlock not have truck with.

Me Grimlock also not have it with trucks.

Him Blaster say it are good thing, though, but him Blaster have many cassettes, and him Spike say that have something to do with him Soundwave and me Grimlock have to leave conversation or me Grimlock purge tanks because him Soundwave are Decepticon.

Later, him Blaster explain that it are not actually to do with him Soundwave at all, except that him Blaster wanted cassettes like him Soundwave have. Only good and not Decepticons. Him Blaster also explain that it are not to do with interfacing, which are different. It are to do with him Wheeljack's old lab and it are like with Aerialbots when they were constructed.

Me Grimlock still not really know what amorous is.

**Temper tantrum**

Ah! Me Grimlock on safer ground here. Me Grimlock learning things, like him Perceptor explain difference between literal and figurative. Me Grimlock not really get it all the time, but me understand that me am on safer ground in both ways right now. See, me Grimlock jump up and down to prove point.

Me know about temper, it are thing what are useful when sky are full of Decepticons. Or when canyon are full of Decepticons. Or when spaceship are full of Decepticons.

Me Grimlock were Decepticon once, before good old days. It were not good time, but us Dinobots very young in them days and him Wheeljack say us were rebelling and him face light up blue on the sides. Me Grimlock are sad that me will not see him Wheeljack face light up again.

**Seagull**

Them seagull are strange thing. Them are tiny and flap a lot, and him Daniel say that them seagulls make exhaust on him fuel when him are on vacation this one time. Only him Daniel did not say exhaust, him Daniel say a word which make her Carly look very stern and him Daniel were not allowed to play with us Dinobots for a while.

**Perceptor**

It are secret, big secret that you must not tell or me Grimlock smash you, but me Grimlock kind of like him Perceptor. Him are smart and sometimes him tell me Grimlock things which are easy to remember and good to know. Him are good friend to Dinobots.

But him are also a bit like him Sky Lynx. Like that time I make Technobots, him Perceptor was mean to me, so me Grimlock got all clever and was mean to him Perceptor. Only me Grimlock not know it at time, it were only after when we talk about mean things we say that we find out. And now him Perceptor understand what it are like to be made to feel stupid. And him Perceptor are nicer to me Grimlock, which me like.

**Gravity**

This are thing which are having more than one meaning, like it are serious things and it are when you are in sky and them root mode thrusters Decepticons gave you not work because them are not Autobot technology and you fall. It are gravity make you fall. Lucky that me Grimlock are tough.

Me Grimlock have gravity. It are seriousness. Me are serious fighter, and me are serious with other things too. Like making Dinobots go to First Aid for tune up. Him Swoop not like tune up, him say it boring to stay still for so long. Me Grimlock agree, but me Grimlock must have gravity for us Dinobots to make sure we are best for fighting Decepticons.

**Aerial Assaults**

These are long words and hard to spell, but me Grimlock know them. What you mean, can Dinobots read? Of course us Dinobots can read. You want me to smash you now? No? Then you not say things which are making us Dinobots out to be stupid.

Us Dinobots are not stupid.

Can you human catch jet in your mouth? Me Grimlock can! It are fun to catch jets and crush them. But it are also fun to watch good jets fly and attack stunt cars and stunt truck. Autobot jets blow things up, especially Air Raid. He are most fun of Autobot jets.

**Flowers**

Me Grimlock like flowers. You not laugh, puny human!

Oh, him Blaster say me Grimlock are not allowed to call you puny human. It are not nice thing to say. Me Grimlock are (not) sorry, but me Grimlock not call you that again.

But you not laugh at me Grimlock for liking flowers! Them are very tiny, but him Beachcomber show me once in big glass thing that make things bigger what flowers really are. Them have gravity too, and them are hunters in them own way, even though them flowers not able to move around like us Dinobots. Me Grimlock respect that.

**Sunstreaker**

Him Sunstreaker are always shiny, but it are not the kind of shiny you should ever say things about unless you are want to be slagged. As in slag, not him Slag, which are different like we already talked about.

Me Grimlock once ate tin of him Sunstreaker's polish by accident. It were in him Wheeljack's lab and me Grimlock thought it were energon treat because it glow. It were not energon treat. Me Grimlock gleam inside and out for long time, and him Sunstreaker were mad.

**Pareidolia**

This are not familiar word. Me Grimlock ask Perceptor, but him too busy making repair to energy core, after me Grimlock accidentally hit it with tail when him Rodimus say me Grimlock need to leave quickly and be somewhere else. Me Grimlock _did_ leave quickly! Him Rodimus should have specified direction.

So me ask around, and no one know meaning of word, until me speak to him Daniel and him Daniel know! Him Spike are surprised and her Carly say she proud, although me Grimlock always asking him Daniel things he knows, so me not sure why she proud this time.

Him Daniel say it are like when something that are random and not have meaning feels like it have meaning. Kind of. Him say it are like seeing Alpha Trion in middle of geode. Me Grimlock know what geode are because him Perceptor have many that him Beachcomber bring to him, me Grimlock not know why but they are hard and shiny, kind of like him Sunstreaker. Maybe that are why.

**Alphabet**

This are thing him Daniel learn when him are half size him are now. Me Grimlock help. It go: A are for Aerialbots, who attack from the air; B are for Blaster who make boom noise and something else what starts with B; C are for cars what are popular Autobot alt mode, and D are for Dinobots! We reach Dinobots and we not need to go any further, we reach best letter of alphabet already.

Except for G, which are for me Grimlock! But it are not better than D, it are just as good. Although me Grimlock are toughest and strongest of Dinobots, and smartest, it do not mean me Grimlock are better than other Dinobots.

**Meets Shrapnel, unexpectedly, during storm.**

Why you human want to know about that? Me Grimlock hate Decepticons, and Insecticon Shrapnel are dead now. Kind of. Him Bumblebee say it are rumour that bits of him Shrapnel go into them Sweeps what are hard to catch in mouth. Me Grimlock not know if it true. Him Bumblebee are sometimes full of it.

Hur hur hur, him Sunstreaker say him Scourge use them Sweeps as berth. Me Grimlock think this funny. Me Grimlock not need berth, me Grimlock recharge standing up, because me Grimlock are strongest of Autobots! Even stronger than Rodimus, or Rodimus not let go of Perceptor's gadget in tunnels.

What you human mean you still want to know? Me Grimlock not understand this, but me Grimlock try if you human have energon treat.

You give me Grimlock energon treat first.

That are good. Me tell you now.

Him Kup tell stories and are good. Me Grimlock like him Kup's stories. Them are about fighting and things, and him Kup always win at the end! Or him Kup not be here to tell story.

Me Grimlock not tell story like him Kup, me Grimlock think him Shrapnel were weird. Him had thing what him Perceptor call speech impediment, but me Grimlock call it stupid Decepticon thing. Him Shrapnel eat all the time, him are always hungry. Me Grimlock meet him this one time in dark when there were storm and rain and things. Me Grimlock breathed fire at him Shrapnel, but him were too wet to burn. Then me Grimlock tried to smash him, but him escape when lightning make malfunction in optics.

This are not like Kup's stories. See, me tell you already.

**Thirteen**

Thirteen are number what are like seeing Alpha Trion in geode. It are not really having meaning, but them humans think it have, and them are acting like it have. So it have, kind of. Me Grimlock think that are how it work.

Him Daniel say that it have meaning because of lots of things what happen in past. Me Grimlock like the past. It are time when me Grimlock are not worried about bashing things with tail and making him Rodimus yell. When us Dinobots want to go to past, us go to Dinobot Island, what are in the past, kind of. Sometimes, him Sky Lynx come there, but me Grimlock think that are only when him Sky Lynx and him Perceptor have argument and him Perceptor win. Him Sky Lynx then want someone to feel cleverer than, and him come see us Dinobots.

Me Grimlock still not like him Sky Lynx.

**Fingers**

These are things what me Grimlock have in alt mode and other mode when me have sword. Not all Autobots have things that are fingers in alt mode, which mean that me Grimlock are most useful of Autobots, because me Grimlock can hold things no matter if me Grimlock transform or not.

Me Grimlock like alt mode best, so me Grimlock stay in alt mode most of the time. Other mode what are called root mode are also good, but if us Dinobots not in alt mode then how will them humans and them other Autobots, what are not us Dinobots, be able to tell that us are Dinobots?

It are important that people can see who are us Dinobots so that they say "look! There are them Dinobots and them are awesome!"

**Coke**

This are thing what are dark and have bubbles and him Daniel drink it a lot. Him Daniel have same hole inside what him Sparkplug and her Carly have for tea, but him have it for coke. But her Carly say him Daniel are not allowed to drink too much or him Daniel be thing what are called hyperactive, what are like him Blurr.

Me Grimlock like him Blurr. Him are fun sometimes, although him speak quick and it are sometimes too quick for me Grimlock to understand.

Him Wheelie also talk too quick, although him Wheelie do not say as much as him Blurr. Them Wheelie and Blurr spend a lot of time with him Daniel, and this one time him Wheelie tried to drink coke what are what him Daniel drink. Them him Wheelie were sick and him First Aid covered him face with him hands, and him Perceptor were angry and shouted a lot about thing called corrosive acids.

Me Grimlock not sure if me understood, but me Grimlock have greater respect now for him Daniel. Him are mighty in him own way because him drink thing what are making people bigger and tougher than him be sick.

**Rawr**

This are sound what me Grimlock make.

RAAAAAAAAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

See?

Me Grimlock make this sound when me are happy. And also when me are trying to find other Dinobots what are not where me Grimlock expect them to be. And also when me Grimlock want to scare Decepticons. And also when me Grimlock want him Daniel to say "WOW". And also when me Grimlock just want to, because it are good sound and me Grimlock like to make it.

**Silk**

This are thing what come out of aft of very tiny thing like spider or cat.

Me Grimlock not know what it was before, until me Grimlock have to wear stupid thing for serving drinks before me Grimlock fall into Quintesson prison with him Daniel. Little black thing me Grimlock have to wear at neck are made of silk. Her Carly say so. Her Carly say it look nice. Me Grimlock do not agree, but me Grimlock like her Carly so me not say so.

Me Grimlock want to know why him Spike choke on him fuel, and him Blaster tell me it are not cat what make silk from aft. It are bug with name what begin with cat. Me Grimlock not understand why things have same name sometimes. It are not make sense.

**Brick**

Them bricks are things what him Ultra Magnus use as figurative thing for telling us about team. Me Grimlock understand. Me Grimlock are toughest brick at bottom of wall because me support others and them are strong because me strong. Them are also strong because them strong too, but us Dinobots strongest together.

Him Grapple and him Hoist like them bricks. Them say bricks remind them of being on Earth and building things on Earth, but not that thing what them Grapple and Hoist built with them Constructicons because them do not like to talk about that. It are like before good old days, when us Dinobots were Decepticons. Us Dinobots not talk about that much either.

**Yellow**

Yellow are best colour. Like grey. You know how me Grimlock know? It are same as when D are best letter of alphabet. It are because yellow and grey are us Dinobot colours, and him Wheeljack would not have chosen us colours that were not the best colours to have.

Me Grimlock think that red and blue are also good colours. Me Grimlock have a little red on me and it are reminder of him Optimus, and when him Optimus show me Grimlock what it are to be proper leader. Me Grimlock thought me knew before, but it were not real knowing. Me Grimlock learn things - it are part of being best leader.

Maybe me Grimlock find bandanna what are red.

**Chocolate**

This are thing what everyone say her Carly like, but her Carly not really like. It are weird.

Me Grimlock not say "Me Grimlock like energon treat" when me not like energon treat. But me never not like energon treat, so this not actually come up.

Ah, him Spike say that her Carly never say that she like chocolate. She only say thankyou to be polite this one time, and now all people are getting her are chocolate. He say it are him Sideswipe's fault for getting wrong end of stick. Me Grimlock not understand what stick him Spike are talking about, but it are probably made of chocolate and very small, and this are why him Sideswipe get wrong end. Him Sideswipe probably get him Sunstreaker polish on it, but it are chocolate and so her Carly probably not want to eat it anyway. So it are all good.

**Clothes**

Me Grimlock not have to wear clothes, except this one time when me Grimlock wear apron that are called tuxedo and serve fuel at peace conferring thing. But me Grimlock get apron hooked on something and it tear off when me fall into Quintesson room where there was prison, so me Grimlock not wear it for long. Hurhurhur.

What you Carly mean? Of course me Grimlock like tuxedo thing because it show me Grimlock have style!

OK, her Carly gone now. Me Grimlock think me make good save there. Him Rodimus say that this kind of lying are OK if you do not get caught. But him Rodimus say this before he are him Rodimus, while he are still him Hot Rod. When me Grimlock think of it now, me not know if this still apply...

*ponders* OK, them humans wear clothes. Them are kind of like armour a bit. Them clothes, not them humans. Them humans are squishy, and that are what them Decepticons call them and that are not respectful. Me Grimlock have respect for some humans what are mighty in them own way, like him Daniel and her Marissa. Her Marissa are tough, but not tough like me Grimlock. It are different kind of tough and far smaller, but it does not mean that she are weak. If her Marissa was weak, him Ultra Magnus not respect her like him do. Same with us Dinobots.

**Book**

A book are thing what him Octane keep when other mechs are doing things where him Octane can get people to take bets. Me Grimlock know this, because him Blades explain. Him Octane are a Decepticon, but only by accident because him Octane actually are only out for himself. Him Blades explain this also. Although him Blades say that him Octane are missing Trypticon, which are difficult thing as Trypticon are so big. Me Grimlock went on an adventure this one time with him Trypticon. It were when me Grimlock save universe. Him Trypticon are dull and me Grimlock not know why him Octane like him.

Him Octane like everyone. Like him Starscream, who me Grimlock hate. But him are dead now or something, me Grimlock are not sure. And him Octane also like him Sandstorm, who are from that planet what him Rodimus exploded that time so that Decepticons could not have it.

Me Grimlock are not sure about that one. It make nice big explosion, but it mean him Sandstorm's people not have planet to live on any more, but me Grimlock are not Prime. Him Octane say it are because me Grimlock have tiny little arms and could not hold Matrix of Leadership the right way to open it and light Autobot darkest hour. Him Octane forget that me Grimlock have root mode with longer arms. Me Grimlock think that him Octane are mentally deficient, which are what him Sky Lynx called him Sludge that one time when him Sludge breath fire at him Sky Lynx after him have new paintjob.

Him Sky Lynx new paintjob went all bubbly, kind of like coke that him Daniel drink, and us Dinobots laugh.


End file.
